It’s crazy to think about how much times have changed. People thinking that everyone is happy go lucky all the time in this social media age we are living in. This is so fake and fabricated so I’m getting real and raw with you, as it’s natural and more common than you think.

For a few months now, I’ve been struggling with staying positive and having things to look forward to. I kept saying, “I’m doing good!” thinking that maybe the more I say it, the more I’d believe it but it eventually caught up to me and I broke down. I wallowed for a few days and tried to hide, as I didn’t feel like being social or pretend like I was okay when I wasn’t.

I’ve always been a positive, bubbly, charismatic person who would never feel comfortable showing anything but that energy and spirit. I feel better when I’m truly myself and not have to ever pretend to be that because that is Megan Cowee. It isn’t easy to acknowledge, and eventually accept, exactly what and how I was feeling. It was hard just to get myself up to go walk the dogs or get up to make something to eat. I really wanted to bounce back but didn’t know how to get myself to do that.

Everyone falls into these depressions every so often. Nothing about it is easy; do you want to be alone or with others to help ease the sadness? I forced myself to go for a 40 minute walk each day and brought the dogs as comfort so I wasn’t alone. When going through these emotions, I’m overthinking everything on top of being super critical of myself (all negative). I forced myself out of this environment by packing my bags for the weekend and spending time around family.

Once I was able to talk through how I was feeling, my thoughts, and be open about it, I received empathy, compassion, and understanding. It wasn’t something I really was receptive to initially but realized that it was okay to not be okay. Your loved ones will always be there for you during these difficult times just as you would be for them. After a few days of awareness and gratitude, I eased myself back out into social settings as I knew how much I missed it and knew that was part of where my depression was stemming from.

This pandemic has taken a toll on all of us, especially our mental health. I miss the days in the office where I could joke around with my coworkers then escape work early for happy hour on a Friday. I missed being able to go to sports games and experiencing the camaraderie, rivals, and excitement of the game. These things are slowly coming back but we are still scarred from losing these things we are truly passionate about.

So I’m back!! Honestly, I’m doing amazing and challenging myself to try out a new cafe in the city one day a week to experience more spontaneous socialization and colliding with different people. Last week, I even took myself out on a selfie date to the Bruins Rangers preseason game at MSG! I’m eager and excited for each new day as I’m grateful to be living here in the best city in the world and forging my path independently and freely.